Late Night Combat

There's a large ginger stray that has been hanging around my house.  Often, in the small hours of the morning, this cat will wake me up by going through the rubbish bin that sits below my bedroom window.

In total this cat has already cost me untold hours of lost sleep and nearly $100 in Nerf guns and related accessories.

Last night I was woken up by a hyperventilating possum having a coughing fit at 2:30am.

Facing the prospect of contracting 'consumption' from the possum I was able to take some comfort in the fact that it viciously attacked and chased away my other night time tormentor.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Comfort Partners

I saw this sign today.

I didn't know what a comfort partner was so I followed the directions to the public toilets.

Turns out, a large, hairy man with a thick, black moustache, greasy hair, a sweat stained, white singlet and strangely large hands will sit next to you and give you cuddles while you use the facilities.

Amazing.

Mischief

Sometimes when I'm at the supermarket I go around and open all the freezer doors so that the products inside melt.

Some men just want to watch the world burn.

Recipe: Ragout

More and more people are recognising the ecological impact their foodstuffs have on the planet.  These people increasingly ask, “How can I continue to live the lifestyle with which I am accustomed without inconveniencing myself in anyway?” I thought I would provide a hearty, yet sustainable recipe for an old favourite, Ragout.

In a deep plate mix a ¼ cup of flour with a dash of salt and pepper.  I use organic, wholegrain flour – it costs a little more, but you can tell people that and score a few points along the way!  Next you will need to take a well-fed, yearling human, any older and the stresses of a competitive world will have rendered him tough and stringy.  When selecting a human I ensure that he is healthy, from a needy family and hasn’t had too much government time or money invested in him.  I always take my meat from sustainable stock without compromising on taste.

Take two shoulder steaks, about 500g, and chop into small pieces.  Toss the pieces through the flour until lightly coated.  Keep the remaining flour for the gravy later on.

Heat two tablespoons of locally sourced, extra virgin olive oil and heat in a frying pan.  Add the meat and brown each side on a high heat for 1 -2 minutes.  Remove the meat and add a further two table spoons of oil to the drippings left in the pan.  This ensures that none of that deliciousness is wasted.  Dice 1 large onion, 1 large stick of celery and two carrots (all organic and locally grown) then add them to the pan also.  Cook over a medium-high heat, stirring for 2 minutes until browned. Reduce the heat to low, cover and simmer for a further 10 minutes.

Add 1 minced clove of garlic, and sprinkle the remaining flour mixture over the vegetables.  Cook while stirring again for one minute.  Add a can of organic, stewed tomatoes, a cup of locally made red wine and a dash of fair trade oregano. Return the meat (with juices) to the pan.  Bring to a simmer, cover and cook over a low heat for 20 minutes, or until the meat and vegetables are tender.

Season with additional salt and pepper to taste and why not add some parsley from your herb garden too!

This ragout is an excellent dish particularly in winter when other cuts of meat can be expensive.  Check back here regularly for other modest proposals on how you might consume the poor.

Better living everyone!

Dreams

I've been having recurring dreams lately that my teeth are falling out.   Apparently this has something to do with worrying about money.

     Last night I dreamed a different dream; I dreamt that I could fly.

     I hope Kim Jong Un doesn't put me to death.

Lice

Pubic lice are becoming extinct¹.

This got me thinking about the evolution of pubic lice.   Our distant ancestors were covered in hair from head to foot until about 1.2 million years ago².  It doesn’t take such a leap of the imagination to therefore assume that they were also covered from head to foot in lice.  As (most) humans evolved to be increasingly less hairy does that mean the types of lice which lived in human hair were forced to live in smaller and smaller habitats?

The conclusion must be drawn that head lice and pubic lice are examples of divergent evolution and both must have had a common ancestor at some point (the whole-body louse, if you will).

Will nits lament the passing of their brothers and sisters, who were long ago relegated to the pungent marshlands of the pubis?

_{1.SOURCE: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/brazilian-bikini-wax-making-crab-lice-endangered/}

_{2.SOURCE: http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/19/science/why-humans-and-their-fur-parted-ways.html?pagewanted=all&src=pm}